Things I've been meaning to say for a while

I'm a rambling spirit always driving
bc I can't sleep
"I'll call you when I get home"
bullshit
I believe you should always say I love you before bed
I'm in limbo
I need direction
to somewhere other than a pack of cigarettes and a diet coke
I just want to drive to somewhere
where no one knows my name
I'm getting restless this always happens
my heart torn in two
bc I just don't know what to do
I can't stay here
but I can't go there
I spend too much time alone
moms asked me the other day to
"picture yourself in 5 years"
I don't even know what I'm doing this weekend
how the hell would I know what i'm doing with my life
I wanted so much more than this
and it just seems that I'm stuck
and there's no way out
I wanted to travel
see the world
all I ever see is the interstate
back and forth back and forth
my life in a bag
he doesn't seem to get that
Carolina heals my soul
in a way he never can
wild at heart
I'll always be
and he wants to settle down
there
I've never wanted to be in one place for too long
I need western skies
always looking wandering
maybe one of these days I'll run into myself
I don't wanna run away from love
but I don't want to be trapped bc of it
I always promised myself I'd see more do more
what am I doing now? NOTHING
I don't want to regret anything
but I want to be the way I used to be
I knew myself
now I'm scared of losing something
that's killing me
slowly
I used to have so much personality
but now I'm a shell
so I have to ask the question?
Can I be with you and get myself back?
here's to hoping

Ramblings ignore please

I made it through today
silly isn't after all these years
"she's really immature but cool"
"I'm buzzing don't ask for a list or I will give it to you"
a list of things wrong with me
here's a big middle finger to YOU
I'm not perfect I never will be
I used to be like you either love me or hate
and if you don't well
FUCK YOU
I don't even know who I am anymore
I feel like so much is missing 
Running away seems like my only antidote
like I can't stand to be in the same place for too long
because then I have to deal with me
I'm gonna fall asleep alone
and wake up alone
knowing that you say you love me but you could leave me
trusting praying you won't
and maybe tomorrow will be better
hope keeps us alive
I just need to remember that