Saturday, May 30, 2009


In her mind
she remembers who she used to be
Vaguely before the self loathing set in
Before the selling began
It all came down
To one breathy word
Four damning letters
That she sold her body
To him for
Really anyone that can offer
To her what she is missing
To fill up the gaping hole
That the scars, hunger pains,and self medicating never will
This to be the last attempt
At some kind of normalcy
Or so she thought
Until she woke up alone
With a note beside her
Saying,” I’m sorry I can’t.”
While not blinking an eye
She gets up and lights a cigarette
Goes into the cabinet and pulls
Out the only thing that daddy ever left her
That could have saved her
And she finishes her cigarette
The neighbors heard the shot
But no one cares about the wannabe Mrs. Robinson upstairs
Not even her mama came they burned her
And her only friend spread her ashes over his grave
Finally she was at peace just as she had been fifteen years before

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I left none to the imagination I guess this is what I get.
I'm glad I finally stopped lying to myself

**I'm not even going to quote a song look this one up instead "ache" by Jawbreaker

Monday, May 18, 2009

Lets pretend you understood

life was easier
when nothing was to be experienced
and pain was written as a story
something to be looked at from the outside

It went a little like this
The prince always got his girl
the day was saved
and the dragon slayed
and the end they truly lived happily ever after

but what happens when there is no prince
The princess digs bad boys
the dragon can't be slayed
and happily ever after doesn't exist ?

those are the moments
when you finally realize
"all that glitters is not gold"
I just wish I had realized
this sooner
I would have appreciated
your suffering alot more

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The key was a little black dress and pumps nothing more nothing less

Oh! I cherish the thought
of sidewalk chalk
and riding in the backseat
while my role model
was chain smoking in the front

As glamorous as the heroin chic models
of those late 90's days
I remember wearing her heels
when she was just seventeen

looking at the stars
with her friends
the smell of cheap beer
and even cheaper whiskey
mixed with cigarette smoke
That was the perfume I'll never forget

Now I'm seventeen and smoking
is considered passe
and I can't drink to save my life
I still look at the stars

Though I can't help but feel alone
with concrete as my pillow
I want to go lay in the road
but I'm not ready to die
before I have really lived

The heels I wear now
are my tools of seduction
for the sake of my own soul

Understanding sets in to why she cried
when he died
Why she dove into the bleakest point
of her life
because whether
she believed it or not
she loved him
and he thought he was invincible
but really he was just a boy
tumbling down from a heady high

denial became her thing
and it still is
I laugh because
the same blood runs
through my veins
It's quite obvious
I too avoid reality

Proving we are alike
in ways known and unknown
Relishing the fact
that the past holds the future

***Dedicated to Lizzy***

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Moonlight Drive

"It's our turn to try
Parked beside the ocean
On our moonlight drive"-"Moonlight drive" (The Doors)

Monday, May 11, 2009


"But I will rise and I will return the Phoenix from the flame. I have learned I will rise and you'll see me return being what I am. There is no other Troy for me to burn." "Troy"- Sinead O' Connor

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Dig this

"I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane." -Ray Bradbury Farenheit 451

"People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."-Rebecca West

"I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man's."-William Blake

"It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live."-Alexander Dumas

Friday, May 8, 2009

Skeleton key

I wish I was something more than what I am
Ridiculed and damned
by everything around
the intelligence once possessed
with a damn

I stare at the vinyl imitation of perceived society
praying that it ends soon
tick tock tick tock my head wants
to explode
it of course does

Idiotic comments
spew forth from me
and I'm amazed at
the lack of understanding
from these former beatnik minds
that something could spark the remembrance
of what used to be

These people who have no regrets
are just lying to themselves
The regrets of mine are just more surfaced
than yours
someday you'll look back and see
that I really wasn't that crazy
but you my dears are blind

Sunday, May 3, 2009

This is NOT the sound of Settling

You know what I want? I want someone to be so madly in love with me that every song he hears reminds him of me. He, thinks I'm the most amazing thing in this world. He will love every quirk of mine. He will love sunrises not sunsets. He will never expect me to give more of myself than I can. He will understand that my heart has been broken before, because I've gotten attached too quickly.
He will understand why I still grieve over my father's death. Why I love coffee and how no matter who I've watched Casablanca with it can't be ruined for me. He is polite and opens the door for me always. He will not drink excessively or do drugs. We will be so different that it works. Fighting with me will be one of his favorite things to do. I want to frustrate him so much that he just has to kiss me. He doesn't have to understand my poetry but he does have to understand me. He must never expect me to change.
He has to like my hair better curly than straight. He will always love me in dresses and never expect to see me in a mini skirt. He will ask my permission to kiss me and will make me believe in marriage. He will surprise me with the little things he does. He will hold me all night if I need it and let me cry and he literally will wipe away my tears. He will respect me but challenge me in every way. He will always remember that I like gold better than silver. Pearls better than diamonds. He will like to stay up late at night but will understand why I take naps in the afternoon. He will be able to handle me and he will always be able to keep up with me. He will be my "Wonderwall".

Saturday, May 2, 2009

A spark of sane reality during 4th period

Depression sets in
as she leans forward
for anything to remain sane
clinging by her bare hands
her face wholly consumed
you look past it and see
her mind completely blank
the stares
comments received
with an air of distaste
realizing that saying goodbye
is letting go piece by piece
as she realizes
she never held him in the first place
Now it really doesn't matter
she let him think he mattered more than
he did
The battle ended in a draw
how can they both be right
when in time
to each others mind they are both wrong
What is right?
Truth is right
but the interpretation of truth
that is yours according to her is wrong
then again she dismisses her case
with proving her point