Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I think about you


The rain quietly calms my nerves
As I've
I've cried out all my thoughts
The numbness sets in like it always does
I shoot myself in the foot
Maybe I like the pain
I've always lived by the code
That it's better to bleed
Than to feel
However I can't hide the scars
Anymore so I write
Maybe I don't know how to be happy
To be normal
To accept that somebody can love me
All of me flaws included
There's this boy
No man rather who loves me despite it all
Who gives me anything I ask for
And yet I hurt him with these tantrums of mine
I hope he holds on and doesn't let go
Because I love him
And that scares me to love someone
Because you left me
I'm terrified to love someone
And have them die
To turn into her
A ghost of a woman
Mourning you
12 years later
The funny and fucked up thing
Is I'm happy with my life
So I don't know why I keep trying
To hurt myself so I'll be unhappy
Maybe it's because I've held onto the pain for so long
And I don't know why
But I can't do it anymore
I'm letting you go daddy
I can't have you riding passenger
Side anymore
I came here to make peace with you
And I have
So I pray you no longer haunt me
A daddy is a girl's first love
And I never thought I'd fall
But I did so I ask for your blessing and love to shine down
I'll always be your little girl
            Love always,

Friday, July 11, 2014

Things that are better left unsaid

It's funny how you can almost feel
A shift in emotion
I guess it's my fault
I hurt you too much
You become immune
To my bullshit
To my love
I'm fucked up
In the head
And my heart is permanently
This is why
I push you away
And then beg you to stay
Sometimes I wish we could
Begin again
There are many things I would
Do differently
I wouldn't hurt your heart
So in return you wouldn't hurt mine
I never meant to fall this hard
I never meant to love this deep
But I do
And I hope you'll always
Be there when I wake