Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Baby how is it going to be?

How's it going to be by third eye blind

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing,
I wonder what are we fighting for?
When I say out loud, "I want to get out of this,"
I wonder, is there anything I'm going to miss?
I wonder how it's going to be when you don't know me.
How's it going to bewhen you're sure I'm not there?
How's it going to be when there’s no one there to talk to between you and me?'
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be?
How's it going to be?
Where we used to laugh, there's a shouting matchsharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore,like the hammock by the doorway we spent time in
Swing's empty I don't see lightning like last fall when it was always about to hit me
I wonder how's it going to be when it goes down
How's it going to be when your not around?
How's it going to be when you found out there was nothingbetween you and me?'
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be?
And how's it going to bewhen you don't know me anymore?
And how's it going to be?
I wanna get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion…I wanna taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion…oblivion
How's it going to be when you don't know me any more?
How's it going to be?
How's it going to be?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

"Heartbreaker Dream Maker Love Taker"

Snow crunching underneath
Feeling the difference on the wind
arms no longer wrapped around

The sting of regret
smoking from above
Realization set in
little boy blue

that you needed more than
just the girl down the hall
with the mussed hair and sapphire eyes
Her loudness makes you cringe

She once was the object of your obcession
Now becomes that of your deep depression
You wanted to be rid of her
Yet, now you don't

So she remains walking on eggshells
Wanting so much to know
that you love her and this is real
and you say it, but do you mean it?

You asked her, "Why did you stay?
Girls of yesterday would not have
done the same."

She simply replies," I put up with this, because I love you
with no bars to reach no restrictions to apply."
The silence at the end hopefully
was one of amazement
and not of pity

To pity the girl who gave her
heart away on a hot Indian summer night
sometime last year

To the boy who wore that stupid white hat
and he was everything she thought
she never wanted
yet he ended up being what she had wanted all along

He showed her what it was like to feel again
to lose the feeling of numbness
which had consumed her for so long

He took her with a guided hand
down a path that only he knew
somewhere along the way
she covered his mouth
and he couldn't breathe

Kisses can't fix everything
and talking would have to suffice
the pretty picture she had painted
began to chip away
until the truth hidden underneath
became painfully evident

Hopefully now with hearts bared
tears shed and everything spilled onto
the floor they can remember
why they were together
"from the beginning"

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

To each their own

These lyrics are Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead
I love them, but never want to become them

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake chinese rubber plant
In fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plantsJust to get rid of itself.
And it wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgeryFor girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I cant help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted,
All the time, all the time, ohhh... ohh...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

My top 5 songs of the moment

  1. Wounded- Third Eye Blind I named my blog after this song.

  2. Coffee Break- Forever the Sickest Kids This is the song for the coffee drinker who drinks to get away from it all.

  3. Charm Attack- Leona Naess "He's from the coldest breed who judge by what they see"

  4. Breaking The Girl- The Red Hot Chili Peppers The name says it all

  5. Motorcycle Drive By- Third Eye Blind " I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive"

"To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real, to know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold utopian dream. You do something to me that I can't explain, so would I be out of line if I said I miss you?"Incubus

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Like we actually," Come as We are"

The lonely depths of humanism
Filled by alcoholic demise
Shocked by the depths
That one can go down so fast
see each other as one should
but never observe them as they are
idolize them in your own way
put them on that footstool in the sky
but never live in reality
for, even as you sink down
You're still a prince in your own bathroom
sitting there never realizing
everything you've had
and everything you've lost
to your alcoholic demise
but i love you
and always will

My heart aches for you
It really does
That true desperation we both felt
Wanting something more from life
I craved your love
and you wanted to go away
back to something more familiar
like the clinking of ice in the glass
I wasn't enough and I never will be
I hope your happy in your lovely demise
because, I'm in hell without you

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Yesterday is the new Tomorrow

Something, was off today and I couldn't quite understand what it was. I, felt a certain type of pain that dagger in the heart kind. I guess we can go back to the afternoon. I came down to my mother's classroom and I roamed the halls. I, bumped into this little kid that I knew who is only thirteen and I was thrown back into time. He reminded me of a best friend of mine at his age and it made me feel thirteen again.

Let, me just say being thirteen was hell I hated the world and everyone in it,but like three people. I meditated to Jimi Hendrix every morning while drinking a huge cup of coffee. That's when I learned to really drown out the world with music. At, night I would have to listen to "comfortably numb" by Pink Floyd just to sleep. I can't believe thirteen was only three and half years ago, but so much has happened to me I'm different. Some, days it's a great thing and others I wish I could go back to being naive and just thinking I was so jaded. I didn't know a damn thing about boys, life, or even school. Maybe, that's why I felt so lost I seem to still be running from my demons of yesterday. I know it's time to move on, but some days I just can't let the past go.

Today, as I went to my grandparents house for supper I felt this urge to just cry but I couldn't. Instead I went downstairs to see if I could work on their ancient computer for English except, their Internet wasn't working. I was left without anything to do. I needed comfort and solace so I went to the garage. I thought, maybe working out would clear my head. Yeah, not so much I just couldn't get motivated.

I was just really craving solace and a place to feel at home. My dads truck is in their garage my Papa drives it. I decide to go sit inside. I try the passenger side first which is locked. Disappointing to me, but I went around to the driver's side and I opened the door. This door happens to be slightly off hinge but it still works. I climb in and sit there and smell he's been gone for six years, but it still smells like him. This, musky smell that you can only get from working with metal. He, worked his finger to the bone for me and I know he would be disappointed in me now, because I'm not his perfect angel that I was when he was alive. Just, as a part of my mother died with him my childhood was buried with him.

Going, back in his truck I remembered him picking me up from dance and taking me home with the windows down and music blasting. I swear I could feel myself just let go. I opened up my drink and just let the caffeine soak into my veins. Soothing the aching headache I had. I put in my ipod and just felt carefree. Still, broken don't get me wrong, but I felt that kind of safety a girl does when she gets her first boyfriend and she believes him when he says I love you. That, beautiful innocence that is only on an unmarked heart.

I realized then that I was going to be ok and I didn't have to resort to drastic measures to make the pain go away. I just needed a trip to yesterday. I've always said,"Yesterday is the new tomorrow" because history repeats itself again and again. Sometimes, by looking back you're actually looking forward.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Virtues gone by with the wind of yesterday

Careening into the night
full speed off kilter we go
Thoughts consume us as we do
hand in hand
you lead me down a dark path
I don't know where I'm going
strangely being okay
forgetting reality we come upon a field
I grab your hand
and we dance under the moonlight
To no music but the slow and steady
breaths we take together
Reminiscing under the willow
I told you story after story from my childhood
you laid there
listening with an intensity I had never seen
When I finally wanted to let go
you took me by surprise
by saying, " baby it's ok to just cry."
saying those words brought about the tears
you had never seen me cry
And I never thought you would
Instead of seeing weakness you pulled me closer
and wiped away the tears
softly whispering in my ear
while we watched the sunrise together
it was cold and the dew was on the grass
I was taken aback by the beauty of the mountains
something I've never seen
yet, I've looked upon them every day since birth
realizing then, with a bittersweet joy
that you need someone
to fully understand
the unseen beauty in life

Sunday, January 4, 2009



Go check out this poem I love it. (I did not want to post it on my blog because it has been copyrighted)

Grandeur in the Sky

Leaving me on the step that day
Tears in my eyes pure rage I felt when you left me
On that sunny day in June
That little girl I was then you would never see the person I would become
I loved you so much I broke away from reality that day
I haven't gone back since
Why did you go?
I've asked myself that everyday since you left
"Wish you were here" on repeat on the radio in my mind ever since
As I remember back to yesteryear on the swings you pushing me
Happiness radiated from my being
Like the sun radiating in your eyesI never felt so safe as I did in your embrace
The longing and waiting for that again
Will never be met
For you went to that grandeur in the sky
But you never told me goodbye I saw you as you drove away
Never again would I see your face laughing
Those hazel eyes that you gave my brother
Never again to look so thoughtfully into mine
And with these words I say goodbye

Death on a saucer

Unopened pain
"Numb it all," she says
as she looks out the window
into the green
Blue Sky looming down

hard heart to never be RED again
black rains down on me
cliche as it seems
its still all the same
over and over again
fight the good fight
go down fighting
but why?

who cares
She says as she stares out into despair
Sitting in her chair
Caffeine souped up mind

scared of it all
she just wants to numb it way
she points a 45
her own way in complete self demise

maniacally saying,"bang bang"
as she pulls the trigger
slumping down in her chair

never to be remembered
for anything
but a deed that can't be "undun"

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Quotes to live by

"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."- Coco Chanel

"She’s the kinda girl that will call you on your bullshit. She isn’t afraid to dance and she offers to pay. She doesn’t decide before a date whether or not she’s gonna
kiss you; she’s not earnest, yet she’s not completely ironic either…She orders dessert and she can be ready in ten minutes." – Drive me crazy ( Chase)

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.
Sara Paddison

"Stalker" sounds so negative. I prefer to think of myself as doggedly persistent. ~Dawson’s Creek

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have -Fried Green Tomatoes

Dreams are answers to questions we haven't figured out how to ask." - X Files

Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy -girl interrupted

Someday, when we both reminisce we'll both say, 'There wasn't too much we missed,' and through the tears we'll smile when we recall we had it all for just a moment.”

"You can be anywhere when your life begins. You meet the right person and anything is possible." Crazy/Beautiful

Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don't cheat with it.-
Ernest Hemingway

People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend.-
Jim Morrison

"You don't know me, you don't love me, you sure as all damn don't want to marry me so why don't you leave me the hell alone?" "I don't think I can." - Shag the Movie

~ What came first, the
music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?~ Rob (High Fidelity)

Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.- Charlotte Bronte

That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.-Emily Dickinson