Tuesday, June 30, 2009


The sheep who are the sheep? I really don't want to be part of the herd gotta love drive me crazy

Monday, June 29, 2009

the 500 club....I miss Sinatra

I found the monster inside myself
the trust is gone
I became this thing wholly consumed
ignoring my head just to fill the whole
and sometimes even if it feels right
you know it's wrong
The silence I want to embrace
Dive deep into my thoughts
I've found what I've been looking for
being wanted for my kisses isn't it
Being raw and real
going from the from the ground up
I know that I will grow old
I want my life to be something more than this
but I'm afraid of being alone
when I wake up and the sun is shining through my blinds
hitting my face pulling the covers to hide
my body curled up in a ball
17 and crazy
with that I fall back asleep
inevitably dreaming about my battlescars
everything comes back at night

Friday, June 26, 2009


I heart James dean wannabes
Black with jeans on any given day
The thunder of the night air on my skin
Give me blue on black
And please spare me the looks
Everyone really just wants to freefall and dance

Sunday, June 21, 2009


He still can taste the salt on the wind
as he remembers her form draped in white
In the early morning light

She was so beautiful
but she was a disaster
the scars on her body
were part of her charm
each one had a story to tell

Her laugh was filled with remorse
as he took her hand
fingernails painted red
led her up the winding staircase
to the room with a view

They both knew it well
because, through the years
time after time
they're paths would cross
again and again

Forcing each to become a comfort to the other
they grew dependent on one another over the years
she more than he
but then again is that not always
the way it seems to be

She didn't take up with another
the last time they parted ways
and when he called her this time
she really wasn't the same

She dwelled upon
the fact that each time
with the same lingering "I love yous"
in the air
he still would be gone by the 4th day
the note always the same
"stay as long as you like had to catch a flight to......"
London, Paris,Milan,Venice
each time different each more exotic than the next

Places she only dreamed of
but had never been
He was always running away from something
she was just there by default
to comfort him
when he called upon her
in her village by the sea

That final morning he left
she awoke knowing she'd be alone
shaking the sleep from her eyes
she knew she would never be enough

With that she arose
a white sheet wrapped about her
went down to the cliff overlooking the shore
She thought of suicide from time to time
instead she decided to take a cue from him and leave
with just a note
except she wouldn't be coming back

Which he only realized this after
her cellphone number changed
her apartment sold
and she was gone

The white sheet on the floor
note written in lipstick on the mirror
she always knew how to make a dramatic exit

the windows left open
as he put the sheet to his face breathing in her perfume
he could still taste the salt on the wind
remembering everything as it had been

Friday, June 12, 2009

Wouldn't you love to know what I'm actually thinking when I write this stuff?

Recently a new and shocking trend arising among young male adults has caught my attention. It is the

This, most commonly seen in older men......usually past the age of bladder control. Yet, boys in what seems like the spirit of Chase Hammond. One, of my personal favorite rebels without a cause.Hello the movie Drive Me Crazy people. (Late 90's classic) Not caring what other people thought he did, said,and wore what he wanted. He would be the Marlboro man of the mandal generation.Yes, my friends mandals may be a fashion faux pas to some, but what you should see is the man behind the mandals. He, is the kind of guy other guys secretly want to be but would never say. The, kind of guy all girls want to be with, yet most don't have the guts. That man could be the person that changes our generation as we know it. Non-conformity becoming the death of our plastic society. One, can only dream of such a day. Now, my friends lets raise our coffee cups to the Mandal Man.

"She's the kinda girl that will call you on your bullshit. She isn't afraid to dance and she offers to pay. She doesn't decide before a date whether or not she's gonna kiss you; she's not earnest, yet she's not completely ironic either...She orders dessert and she can be ready in ten minutes."-Chase Hammond

Dedicated to L.H&J.M.M

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Top 5 songs of the moment

1. You'd Rather Run- Jaymay "And you can forget it, I get itI just don't let it get to me I regret to inform I do not fret or mourn the way things used to be It's all in the past now, it's all gone."

2. There is a light that never goes out- Morrissey
"Take me out tonight because I want to see people and I want to see life"

3. Tiny Vessels- Death Cab For Cutie
"So when you ask "Is something wrong?"I think "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."

4. Ride On-AC/DC "Try to get back to the start and it's another red light nightmare another red light street and I ain't too old to hurry cause I ain't too old to die But I sure am hard to beat"

5. Quiet - Smashing Pumpkins "We mutilate the meanings so they're easy to deny"

Spike-"Death is on your heels, baby. And sooner or later, it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it. Not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it."- Buffy the vampire slayer Hahahahaha (that's for Fifi)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Cool Breeze

Today, it's been seven years since you died. I still miss you everday. Yes, I should be done grieving and for the most part I am, but the pain never fully goes away. I know that and I can't even begin to imagine what life would be with you. Do you remember that day at the beach when I was six? We were at Oak Island on our annual beach week. I, loved that week it was so bittersweet,because it meant the end of summer and seeing grandma and Lizzy.
Just, so you know she held my hand the entire time at the funeral. She regrets everything she said that week before you died. She, never stopped loving you Daddy I hope you died knowing that. She, has two twin boys Alex and Eric. Alex looks just like you it's kind of funny he has our eyes.
Mom remarried and has a beautiful boy who is three and half named Cypress. I know you loved that name. I wish you were here to guide me,answer my questions there are so many things I don't understand. I, feel as if I'm running against a ghost. I hope I can do everything that you never had the chance to do. Most of all everyday I miss you.
" I Ain't too young to admit it and I'm not too old to lie I'm just another empty head.That's why I'm lonely.I'm so lonely,but I know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna ride on-Ride on."

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Milkshakes in Denial land

her eyes green
china like skin
hair flowing red
but her face
is what stops the world in motion
yet she surprises you
with blood stained hands
so unexpected in her flowing white gown
you would never see the knife
behind her back
she awaits him on the rock
in purgatory
her beauty still intact
death had consumed her long before
When he finally heard her call
he became mesmerized by the pain
they say misery loves company
and that's all he really wanted
he swims out to her
and climbs upon her rock
He kisses her lips cherry red
as he notices the tears
streaming down her face
he cups her face and says,"My love I'm here now forgive my former self"
With a flash in her eyes she says,
"I'm sorry this doesn't mean that I never loved you"
with the efficiency of a seasoned hunter
she makes a cut through and through
he reaches for her as he falls back
she turns from him
and crumples to the ground in a heap of stained satin
she sold her soul
to fulfill her deepest desire
Self destruction in life and death
by killing the one thing she had wanted most