Rants not poetry

driving back this morning I cried
the good stuff came on
and I remember when you told me,"that's ok baby I'm supposed to eat burnt suppers the whole first year"
after the lemon chicken disaster
fun facts
hypnotize was the song playing on your ipod when I got back from springbreak
I miss you so much it hurts
you said you'll miss me this morning
but denied it this afternoon
so.....
you don't love me anymore
RIGHT......
I keep saying this over and over again
and yet it doesn't help
this isn't even about you
you were just one more man to walk out of my life
one more to let me down
so why do I keep going back?
do you remember me waking up bawling because I dreamed that you died just like daddy?
you held me close
and kissed the top of my head and said," I'll never leave you I promise"
LIES LIES LIES
was it all a lie
"we're friends"
that kills me
he called me your girl yesterday
I can't remember the last time someone said that
and you didn't even bother to correct him
I remember all the messages promising me that you wanted to change for me
that you wanted to marry me
that I was worth it
and for the first time in my entire life
I felt safe
I knew it would be ok
but it wasn't
still I see you every other week
just like I did before
I still hang up your clothes make you dinner do the dishes etc
but you don't love me right?
 I can't move on
hanging out with another guy feels WRONG
like I'm cheating on you
when we had our week in july
it was so unlike years before
no rash elopements
but
you said my song was "everything"
whatever happened to that
still
my perfect memory will always be us all oiled up
me in my tortilla chip bikini that's what you called it because it was so small
overlooking the ocean holding hands
 sitting in those damn chairs you had to bring
and yeah I'm still bitching
but my god I miss holding your hand
during something other than.....
I just wish you hadn't given up on me
because baby I still haven't given up on you

tell me

        Sometimes I'm not sure which way to go

Truth

I'm sick of the hurt
I just want sweet
simplify my life
lets get high from the music again
tell me the truth
bravery is beautiful
have the courage to be jealous
 a prized possession
wishful thinking
living in denial
I'm a damsel in distress
all the time
flat tires
locked in a room
prince charming is a joke
didn't you know?

PS: Sex and Candy is my ringtone again because I've been all head Carolina tails California and it didn't work I need me back