Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Is there anybody out there?

once upon a time isn't that how all fairy tales start
 Well once upon a time I had it all
and it always hurts this time of year
we're coming up upon 9 years in 8 days
the sad thing?
it still feels like yesterday
yet it still feels like a dream
I always feel like a part of my heart is missing
and no one understands my soul
they just graze the top of it
I'm not screwed up like I always thought
just a little broken
like a scared puppy
no matter how many times I hear the words I love you
I have horrific nightmares of being left
no one understands that
the older I get the worse it becomes
tears keep spilling
while I wake up alone most of the time
haunted by memories of the past
knowing today won't be a fairytale
and daddy's forever gone

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fallen Princess

a princess no more
her crown gone
she now stands
in mustard yellow
no sorrow felt for her
she's taken every advantage
she had and thrown it away
do you see her in the mirror
no more facade's
she's young and broke
glamorous no more
what happened they ask
as whispers come her way
will depression ensue
no instead
she fakes a smile
while she cries herself to sleep
praying that it's one day closer
to being next to him
she tells no one
she lost her muchness
she can't find the words
more than anything she needs to know it's gonna be ok
and finally believe the words spoken to her
maybe someday she'll return castle intact
everyone's love and admiration surrounding her
but until then she remains
exactly what she is
a fallen princess

more caution less leaping

Wicked game the song that I blame for all recklessness committed in my life
the words compel me to do something crazy
like runaway never look back
isn't that something we all dream of
to have that time where we can't be found unless we want to be
I'm always told I'm crazy 
but a truly insane person wouldn't do the mundane things I do
tan workout go find a job get a job wait to start a job
my life used to sparkle
maybe that's all I want
or maybe I just need to be taken away from it all
but I'm an adult now and I have to act like it
or I get the one thing I really love taken away from me
it's sad when all I want is to play wicked game
smoke a cigarette and dance with you in the desert at dusk
maybe someday we can get there
but right now is not it
I don't want to whine anymore or bitch about the same old things
I just want to be under a desert sky
clouds everywhere about me
letting my heart reign free
this may not be my game or even my song
but it has my heart
just as much as you do

Sunday, May 15, 2011

kiss light my heart

do you remember that time 
dancing in the rain 
kiss lighting cigarettes
when you don't even smoke
you do things just to make me smile
I didn't cry as I drove away today
but it breaks my heart every time 
I get on 24 going towards where I live 
it's not even home anymore 
home is where the heart is
and my heart beats with you 
it just feels right 
laying in your arms like we did this afternoon
you make me feel at peace 
and for a girl who's been at war for a long time 
I've finally surrendered to you 

Monday, May 9, 2011

letter #1

I really needed you tonight
just to hear your voice
to hear anything
I need a hug and you're not here
I can't stop crying because I see my baby brother suffer
why does your phone have to be dead I need you like this why
I love you so much baby
I guess I rely on you too much
I just want someone to hold me
so i don't have to feel alone
I hate feeling alone

Sunday, May 8, 2011

You're my favorite bright crayon

"So brown eyes I hold you near

Cause you’re the only song I want to hear"

The smell of honeysuckle hits me
as I drive down kingston
 headed to the park
my park knowing you won't be there
you're about 90 miles west of me
but I can't go back right now
not with everyone at home counting on me
I don't do great with change
all I want is your arms wrapped about me
instead I'm alone in my room
staring at my phone
old school death cab blaring
Soul meets body
Summer begins and together we aren't physically
but in spirit always
do you miss me as much as I miss you?
has it sunk in yet?
do you hate sleeping alone?
do you miss telling me how to drive
having someone to be with always?
Can a dog replace someone like me?
I'm your crazy little girl
who would cover the world in sparkles and pearls
if she could
I miss you
I thought by now I would have run far away
but I can't do that
my hearts with you
I don't know if you understand
it yet but you saved me from myself