27's

1/22/11

3:28 am

We left the ordinary behind

and embraced the unknown

Brilliant thought of the day

Me: "That's what I need wes!! A boy who would make mixes!

Wes: "No it isn't"

Me: "what do I need"

Wes: " To find someone you can accept for who they are
            Not who you want them to be"

Jump off the hot mess express

So I'm sick of my themesong in life being let her cry
and always being the wounded girl in the room
no one gets close anymore
kisses don't mean a thing
and boys have been gone through like water bottles
that's not what I want
it's not who I am
I want to love without restrain
enjoy life to the fullest
to appreciate the small things
I want to become what I once was
the fire has burned out
it's time to rekindle my flame for life
I wanna burn bright
but not in a self destructive way
I wanna take care of someone
and in turn have them take care of me
it's time to focus less on myself more on other's
to just love....my heart is filled with
so much hate resentment and sarcastic comments
it needs not to be
silence is on my top 10 list of things I hate
one thing at a time
I'm going to try to turn off my brain to think of nothing
boys so often talk about
I've never thought of nothing
when I try the word nothing
is being said over and over in my head
If I'm finally pegged as insane
please let it be known I tried
and didn't want to cry
hopefully misery kicked me out
of the house by then
I'll have to get back to you on that one
I kind of want mystery for now
with that I'll leave to breathe life
just breathe

Here's to the Volcano Girls

"A million miles of running and
I hit the wall,
I bounce back and I run some more.
But this is it, I'm giving up,
I'm calling quits.
So get down and meet me on the floor"


2011 let's go new years resolution already broken
once again idgie jumped a train
I'm here alone stuck in a room
surrounded by empty diet coke cans
wearing my usual uniform of highheels and pajamas
I'm sorry that I feel as if I don't know you anymore
I don't really know anyone anymore
not really
but it doesn't matter
are these emotions real or fake
syndicated by what I want to happen
someone to take me away
and take care of me
you think I should take a break from guys
I tried to explain no one gets close to my heart
and that's the problem
this one might make it
well it depends on if
he's worth my heart
but how does anyone know that?
Risks are a bitch
and idgie you're free to go
but remember no man is ever worth your freedom
he has to be free along with you
I love you
always and forever

Honesty is tiring

I've got to get out of here
I keep saying over and over in my head
but we all know no matter where I go
destruction follows in my wake
poisoning my self along the way
I do it all to numb
 yesterday's misgivings
and tomorrows aftermath
I've dug a hole so big
I don't know if I can get out
or if I even want to
help is my forbidden
4 letter word
yet I cry out save me
to anyone who will listen
but let me tell you a secret
I don't really want your help
I just want to know that you're there


****these 3 things are true
I'm in love with being miserable
I'm in love with my depression
Im afraid to be happy****

Top 5 songs of the moment

1.It's me not you- Mike Mangione "There's a healing wound that cries
For every man that's brushed your thigh
But you cover up and play it all again
You flinch with every touch
Hoping he won't take too much"

2.Guinever-The Eli Young Band   "For as much as she
stumbled she's runnin' for as much as she runs she's still here"
 
3. Do No Wrong - Thirteen Senses "Close the door before it's late
We were born to love and hate
Turn it down for our own sake
We do no wrong"

4.She's a Genius- Jet "If what you know is who you are then
she's everything you don't need an education
 to know what class you're in."

5. Stephanie Says- Velvet Underground " Stephanie says,"that she wants to know why she's given her half her life to people she hates now"

"I am like Midas in reverse"

the crazy is something I can count on
to paraphrase a friend
as my mom rolls her eyes
and says," here we go again"
but it won't happen
I hate to say this
BUT
I'm pretty sure I put my all my eggs in one basket
and floored it as I reversed over them
everything I touch becomes a disaster 
I'm pretty sure
I can't be left alone with my thoughts
I'll go even crazier
la la la FUCK
can you have a life crisis at 18?
he hates to be alone
well i hate to tell him
I'm always alone
it's easier
he should learn that
just like I did
the silence still scares me
it never goes away
maybe we can be together
nah life never goes that way