Monday, April 27, 2009

C'est la vie

Last night, I had coffee with the guy who had my complete and utter devotion last year. I was bored out of my mind and had made the plans on Monday. I cancelled on him, because I had to go to an early birthday dinner for myself. Well, that was yet another family dinner from hell and I just could not go home on a Saturday night and wallow. No, I had to get out for awhile. I of course have to go home and change, because my dress would just be too risque for him. Plus, he might think that I had gotten the wrong idea like this was a date or something. He's not exactly the smartest cookie in the jar(I'll explain later) We are supposed to meet at this coffee shop by my house and I tell him 8:30.
He, arrives before I even leave my house.I arrive at 8:31 and I walk in. The,band that I wanted to see(he was my excuse to go) had already started playing. I look around and I can't see his gawky face. At, 6 feet and however many inches he's really hard to miss. I'm just about to call him and I see him come in grinning. He was sitting in his car waiting for me to get there, because it would just be too tasking socially to go inside. I, order my usual a non fat caramel latte and get an extra shot, because I just knew it was going to be a taxing night. Taxing really just doesn't do it justice more like boring as hell and long.
I pay, and walk over to him and he gives me a hug. This, is extremely awkward for me and it's so funny because, a year to that date I would have given anything to be hanging out with him. I sit down and notice he's looking at my chest and I'm like really Mr.Sexually Pure really? Thank, heavens the guy finished my latte. We, sat down and chatted a bit on the couch he decides to order an Italian soda, cookie and apple turnover. I suggest sitting outside, because last night really was gorgeous. As, we sit there and talk about anything and everything I wished I was there with anyone but him. I, really shouldn't be sitting here ranting about him he is actually a nice guy he's just dense and doesn't understand me.
The, cherry on top of the night was him saying,"I guess she's like you, because she's not as pretty as her friends." He is of course referring to his younger sister. I, was like wow you are an ASSHOLE I of course didn't say this I just smiled and changed the subject.
At, that moment I knew that would probably be the last time I would ever see him. This, is on my own accord. I, realized that I grew up and passed him by he was a cruel reminder of what never was. You, can't change people and he never would change his blinders never opened. His, constant image of me is that of the young, stupid, and naive 15 year old girl he met the middle of his senior year. To, me he would always be the boy that would never grow up no matter how old he was. I didn't even say good bye, I finally realized I had said,"Good bye" one hot september night as I clicked the end button on my cell. The, funny thing is I didn't realize how he kind of just faded away. I had finally gotten what I wanted just a little too late. Then, again that's life.

No comments: